Thursday, September 12, 2013

Recent Things

I really thought I would be blogging more. A lot has been happening, life (as it turns out) is surprisingly busy.

As a short recap: my mom couldn't afford to stay in the house she and my dad lived in (for the last 4 years), so she found a house in the area that she and my dad had looked at years ago. It is a house built in 1911- kept in good shape until a couple years ago. There were some squatters in the house that trashed much of it. So my mom could afford to buy the house, but it needs a lot of little renovations. But it will be a good place for her. I've been spending my weekends there for the last couple of months to help her move.

I'm also preparing to move myself. I've been living in what we call the "Burke House" for almost 3 years now- when I moved in, I thought I would only be there for a month or two. Over time, I came to appreciate the community of the house and the beauty of the property, but it is time to move out. I've had a lot of really great housemates, one of whom is moving with me. We're currently looking for a good house for 2-4 guys and 1-2 more guys to share it with us. The landlord has plans for the house once we're out, so we are in a hurry.

So the church I work at has a brilliant Christian psychologist who volunteers his time to talk to our staff one on one. My "supervisor" asked me to talk to him. I assumed it was because of the perceived increase in stress I was going through. I was a little anxious about the idea, to be honest. I felt like I should be insulted by the idea- that I would need to talk to a psychologist? What- am I crazy? But just about everyone on staff talks to him from time to time. So I went and talked to him a couple days ago.

I found myself very nervous. I've openly talked about everything going on in my life with a lot of people, both very close friends and peripheral acquaintances- but was somehow nervous about talking to a psychologist. But the time came and I sat down with him. He had a calming demeanor but an intense look to his eyes. But I told him what has been going on in my life- my mom moving because my dad died in February, moving out of the house and saying goodbye to friends, extra stress with the busyness of work... I told him that I had been asked to come talk to him. For some reason, I was surprised when he asked about my dad, and my relationship with him. I remember thinking "So THIS is what we're going to talk about..." So I told him about my dad, about how much I love him and miss him, how great of a man he was and what a great mentor he was for me. Just like that, I found myself talking. I talked and cried for about 45 minutes, with the psychologist pointing out parts of the grieving process now and then, and making small suggestions.

It was amazing how it seemed like he understood me- knew what was going on for me right now- this feeling of loss that I'm still dealing with (He says I will always deal with it), and how it impacts every part of my life. He said I will be tired more (check), my muscles will ache more (check), I'll stub my toes more (strangely... check), I'll lose my cool over something I don't really care about (check)... It was amazing. I have talked to a lot of friends about this, but hadn't heard anyone really understand and know like he did. He was very encouraging of the way we've all talked and cried together as a family, and told me to keep doing that. I left feeling strangely refreshed.

So the big take away for me was to see that all areas of my life- my frustrations with other problems, in particular, are related to my loss.

Life is going on. The whole family is doing pretty well- though we're all pretty tired, I think. We've been able to spend weekends together working on my mom's move, but it isn't very restful (or fun, haha...) But we'll soon be done and get some rest.

God is good.