6 Weeks

It was six weeks on friday night since my dad passed away.

It is strange how you can hear people talk about this sort of experience and think you understand, but really not get it until you're there. The feelings are so hard to put into words. The small things are what have hit hardest recently. I think of things I'd like to tell my dad about- a star trek themed bath robe or how I fixed my car. And for brief moments I have to remember that he's gone. There's this sorrow for feeling the loss all over again and a feeling much like shame (but not quite shame) for having forgotten in that moment that he isn't here. Sometimes I just wish I could talk to him.

I'm fortunate to work for people who are so understanding. Understanding, in fact, to the point that I've been allowed to spend wednesday night through Sundays at my mom's house for a while. So I got to spend time with my mom (and the rest of the family) this weekend and that was really great. I'm finding more and more how that rejuvenates me. My brother's kids are therapeutic in times like these. Reminding us of life and joy. His 3rd child is about 9 months now, and he's such a sweetheart. He is just starting to put words together. He's getting a handle on "Hi" right now, and does "mamamama"s and "dadadada"s as well. Being around them reminds me of God's goodness. I'm hoping an "uncle Nate" finds its way in there soon. : )

But back in Troy, my life begins to feel a little normal again. I have started wanting to hang out with friends and get into a workout routine. I'm also looking forward to spending some time outside soon. My head is still not all here, but God is good and I'm starting to adjust.